It is 5:30 am and I can’t sleep. I know now that my cancer spread to my brain. In 3h I will find out what kind of radiation I will get. My new Radiologist will call as soon as he has yesterdays Brain MRI report.
And I just got me a new bike helmet! This was supposed to be the beginning of my recovery time! Already did a 5 and 10 mile ride with Reed. And swam my first km. 45 mins instead of 20 mins but who is counting. I love my new SwiMP3 and lap counter/timer. I needed a new swim suit as my butt got too big for my old ones. Oh well. Cancer just made me a little fatter. The thought about losing weight really bugs me. I weigh more than ever and just 20% of my closet fits. It is really uncomfy to carry that extra weight. I try to eat right and exercising was my cure all.
Will they let me swim?? I should not drive because of the risk for seizures. I most likely had some of those already. At least five little tumors in my brain are responsible. I told Alyson at my last Bras for a Cause meeting (16th of August 2010) that I kinda felt like I had a stroke. Funny, eh? My fingers on my left hand started pulsing and closing to a fist. Than it stayed shut and I could not open it for a couple of seconds. Than all was ‘ok’ again, it just hurt a little bit. My brain felt funny but being German having spoken and listened to too much English does that sometimes to me. No worries there. I got my Herceptin the next day and my nurses were not too alarmed either. Peripheral Neuropathy is not uncommon when you stopped getting chemo a couple of months ago. The nerve in my right pinky did pulse and hurt and went numb before. No big deal there either. Then, on the Saturday, it became a whole different ballgame. It started in my mouth.
The nerve in the middle of my tongue and roof of my mouth pulsed and hurt. And everything tingled in my mouth. It felt like there was water in my throat and I had to swallow a lot. Breathing was fine, better through my noise. So I tried to relax and not panic. Laying on a float in the lake on an awesome sunny day was not going to be interrupted by some stupid nerves recovering from chemo. I was holding on to Reed, my ‘Fels in der Branding’ (Cliff in the surf/solid as a rock), his chair standing next to me in the water. Should I say something? Probably. ‘Are you ok?’ – ‘Nope’ but that just came out as a mumble. Everything is numb as if the dentist went a little overboard with the anesthesia. I pointed to my little finger and made some pulsing action with my hand. Then I pointed to my mouth. Easy enough. Yes, I can breath and will not panic. I just keep floating and try to relax. Everything was over in a minute or two. Another episode at dinner and I told Martina about it. Yes, I will call my Oncologist on Monday morning. I had two more in my left hand and right pinky on Sunday.
Dr. Folbe sent me for a CT scan on Tuesday. I saw him after it at 5pm. ‘Is your husband here?’ (Oh shit..) ‘Yeah, they found something. I will get you in with a Radiologist asap. We will talk tomorrow at 8:30am. Reed should take that day off from work.’
We saw Dr. Vito Antonucci on Wednesday at 1:30pm. I had a facemask done for my first Radiation treatment at 3pm the following day. Depending on the MRI results that I got scheduled for that evening.
Now I am sitting here, drugged up with a high dose Steroids. More Energy, increased appetite, going to be bitching and snapping at people. Fun prospect. Yes, all minor compared to the other issues like dying, permanent brain damage and so on. But I really rather bitch about my pants being too tight right now. Thank you.
Two more hours..
Just created this Blog. It was time. I am German, my spelling is as ok as my spellchecker but my grammar might suck. Deal with it or write me a nice note. One more hour..
And I just got me a new bike helmet! This was supposed to be the beginning of my recovery time! Already did a 5 and 10 mile ride with Reed. And swam my first km. 45 mins instead of 20 mins but who is counting. I love my new SwiMP3 and lap counter/timer. I needed a new swim suit as my butt got too big for my old ones. Oh well. Cancer just made me a little fatter. The thought about losing weight really bugs me. I weigh more than ever and just 20% of my closet fits. It is really uncomfy to carry that extra weight. I try to eat right and exercising was my cure all.
Will they let me swim?? I should not drive because of the risk for seizures. I most likely had some of those already. At least five little tumors in my brain are responsible. I told Alyson at my last Bras for a Cause meeting (16th of August 2010) that I kinda felt like I had a stroke. Funny, eh? My fingers on my left hand started pulsing and closing to a fist. Than it stayed shut and I could not open it for a couple of seconds. Than all was ‘ok’ again, it just hurt a little bit. My brain felt funny but being German having spoken and listened to too much English does that sometimes to me. No worries there. I got my Herceptin the next day and my nurses were not too alarmed either. Peripheral Neuropathy is not uncommon when you stopped getting chemo a couple of months ago. The nerve in my right pinky did pulse and hurt and went numb before. No big deal there either. Then, on the Saturday, it became a whole different ballgame. It started in my mouth.
The nerve in the middle of my tongue and roof of my mouth pulsed and hurt. And everything tingled in my mouth. It felt like there was water in my throat and I had to swallow a lot. Breathing was fine, better through my noise. So I tried to relax and not panic. Laying on a float in the lake on an awesome sunny day was not going to be interrupted by some stupid nerves recovering from chemo. I was holding on to Reed, my ‘Fels in der Branding’ (Cliff in the surf/solid as a rock), his chair standing next to me in the water. Should I say something? Probably. ‘Are you ok?’ – ‘Nope’ but that just came out as a mumble. Everything is numb as if the dentist went a little overboard with the anesthesia. I pointed to my little finger and made some pulsing action with my hand. Then I pointed to my mouth. Easy enough. Yes, I can breath and will not panic. I just keep floating and try to relax. Everything was over in a minute or two. Another episode at dinner and I told Martina about it. Yes, I will call my Oncologist on Monday morning. I had two more in my left hand and right pinky on Sunday.
Dr. Folbe sent me for a CT scan on Tuesday. I saw him after it at 5pm. ‘Is your husband here?’ (Oh shit..) ‘Yeah, they found something. I will get you in with a Radiologist asap. We will talk tomorrow at 8:30am. Reed should take that day off from work.’
We saw Dr. Vito Antonucci on Wednesday at 1:30pm. I had a facemask done for my first Radiation treatment at 3pm the following day. Depending on the MRI results that I got scheduled for that evening.
Now I am sitting here, drugged up with a high dose Steroids. More Energy, increased appetite, going to be bitching and snapping at people. Fun prospect. Yes, all minor compared to the other issues like dying, permanent brain damage and so on. But I really rather bitch about my pants being too tight right now. Thank you.
Two more hours..
Just created this Blog. It was time. I am German, my spelling is as ok as my spellchecker but my grammar might suck. Deal with it or write me a nice note. One more hour..
Keep smiling and bitching at the pants. : )
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