I know that probably everyone just means it well. But still, sometimes I'd just like to scream, duck and leave reality behind. There I lie on the couch, feeling pretty ok and not thinking too much about my struggle with that stupid cancer. Then comes the sledgehammer, either as a TV commercial for the 3 day walk ("...compared to what a cancer patient has to go through...") or a FB call to arms to raise awareness for Breast cancer.
As I said, people mean it well and by no means do I want to dis anyone who joins the fight against this awful disease. However, I am as aware of it as one can be, and just for one day I want to unsubscribe from all of it so I won't be reminded constantly. Is this tiny little egoistic wish too much to ask?
Another fun thing: telling people how I feel. Most times I feel ok. Not too bad considering, I guess. "Are you lying?" is often a comeback. Mostly I confess with a smiling "Yeah" and good friends leave it at that. Do you really want me to think about all the "normal" suffering I had to deal with within the last couple days? My ok now is not my ok 2 years ago. But hey, we all get older and our bodies give us a little problem here and there. Mine might be a little more numerous or harder but they still don't defy me. I don't remember the last time I threw up or had really bad pain. Who would want to?? And with those stupid brain tumors it's easy. My short term memory is still not back to where it was supposed to be before the tumors or the radiation. But at least now I have an excuse ;)
But don't get me wrong, if there is something wrong with me, out of the ordinary, I will tell you. I won't blurt it out on FB but if you care enough to ask, I will do my best to answer. Depending on the situation, obviously. As of right now I feel more tired or exhausted than usual (Seizure meds?) and my skin is very dry (Chemo pills?), but the acne (again prob. Chemo pills) is clearing up again and it feels like this time it is for good.
So thanks to everyone who is involved in fighting Cancer or any other awful "stuff", supporting those who suffer (*Hint* Bras for a Cause *Hint*) or just plain old think of me and send some positive thoughts my way.
